Rufus spent a lifetime learning to hide his true emotions and vulnerabilities least he appears weak or lets them be used against him. But that just made it much more difficult to stare back at Rude and have this conversation.
But he doesn't look away, doesn't flinch even if this is one of the most difficult conversations he's ever had to face.
"Did you want to go out with him? I don't own you, you're free to do what you want if that's your wish." It wasn't at all subtle how Rufus sidestepped Rude's question but that in itself was an answer, especially with the hard look in his eyes.
Rude doesn't want to answer that question. Not because he doesn't know the answer, but because if he shows his hand he'll lose any chance of an upper hand in this conversation. It's the only thing keeping him from sounding like a lover that isn't satisfied with what's been working perfectly fine so far. He doesn't want to come across that way, but wants the same results. Maybe that's his mistake?
"I'm asking you if there are certain things you would prefer I didn't do. Answer the damn question."
He's quiet for a long moment, his eyes never leaving Rude's. Normally he doesn't hesitate to say what exactly he wants if he just doesn't do what he wants anyway without waiting for any input or permission.
But this isn't a situation he can't just give an order, it's not something he even wants to give Rude an order for. He has to approach this a way that makes him feel uncomfortably human. He's never been afraid of rejection but something in him hurts to think if Rude walked away. When he speaks again it's quiet and though he tries to be as confident as he always is, there is something in his tone that's not as hard.
"If I said there were things I don't want you to do, would you be willing to agree to them for me?""
Rude can't understand how Rufus can be so affectionate while naked and satisfied, but having to express emotion or acknowledge that he has feelings is like pulling teeth. He sighs, rubbing a hand against his jaw as he looks Rufus over. Rude can't help feeling a bit guilty for cornering him like this, but the vague terms of their arrangement need clarification.
"Yes, but I can't agree to them if you don't tell me what you want out of this. Unless this is all you wanted. Just sex, no strings attached?" But if that was the case then it doesn't make sense why Rufus would go out of his way to get rid of the intern. Or he's overthinking everything. This could all be a misunderstanding.
"There are things I want to ask of you. Things I don't like, things I want." There it was. It was out there and Rufus can't take it back. But he still makes himself look at Rude, watching his reaction intently.
"But there would be a lot to work out between us if we did take that step, Rude." He couldn't be anyone other than Rufus Shinra. Even in bed, behind the closed door, he was who he would always be. But there were parts of him that Rude had managed to bring out when they were alone, things he never thought he would have been capable of before.
Rude listens and stays silent even after Rufus is finished speaking. He'd plotted his method of attack but not what he would do once he got the information he was looking for. A rookie mistake, for sure. Thankfully this was Rufus and not some target he had been assigned to.
Eventually he goes over the response in his head enough times that he's sure what he wants to say. "What would have to change?" Besides Rufus not impulsively acting on spite or jealousy, Rude can't think of anything that would need working out. Things have been alright so far, and he's almost certain they've been able to keep things quiet. If anyone else has noticed otherwise, they haven't brought it up. "I don't want you to change for me, Rufus. That's the last thing I'd want."
"What do you want from our arrangement? If you could ask anything from me, what would it be?" He knew he was putting this back on Rude, he had an idea what the answer will be but he wants to hear it from Rude.
He gives a small smile that is genuine for a fleeting moment- Rude is most likely the only person who would say that.
"I didn't think I was the type to get jealous. But I saw you with the intern and something just happened."
What doesn't he want from Rufus? That's easy: money. Everything else, he'll take what he's given and still want more. Time, attention, anything. He inhales deeply like he's going to sigh, but never exhales. Instead Rude cants his head to one side like he's really trying to sort out what he knows to be true.
"I don't care if you get jealous." That in itself isn't an issue. "I just want you to understand that there's no basis for it." Meaning, in fewer words, that he already belongs to Rufus. Not just contractually--although that is part of it. There's no one else he would do anything for. Even Reno has limitations on what his partner would allow him. Rufus doesn't have any such restrictions, but he may not even realize it.
"Something just happened?" Rude smiles, but doesn't laugh. "Oh how the mighty have fallen."
Rufus appreciates that Rude isn't teasing him with a laugh because this is new territory for him. He had been taught and had accepted that things like love was not possible or advised in his position.
But Rude had come in and changed the rules and made Rufus have to admit that it was something he wanted and yes, needed.
And was something Rude wanted as well. "I can't explain it. One morning I woke up earlier than you did and just that one moment I knew."
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no subject
Date: 2021-02-24 06:28 am (UTC)But he doesn't look away, doesn't flinch even if this is one of the most difficult conversations he's ever had to face.
"Did you want to go out with him? I don't own you, you're free to do what you want if that's your wish." It wasn't at all subtle how Rufus sidestepped Rude's question but that in itself was an answer, especially with the hard look in his eyes.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-24 06:40 am (UTC)Rude doesn't want to answer that question. Not because he doesn't know the answer, but because if he shows his hand he'll lose any chance of an upper hand in this conversation. It's the only thing keeping him from sounding like a lover that isn't satisfied with what's been working perfectly fine so far. He doesn't want to come across that way, but wants the same results. Maybe that's his mistake?
"I'm asking you if there are certain things you would prefer I didn't do. Answer the damn question."
no subject
Date: 2021-02-24 06:53 am (UTC)But this isn't a situation he can't just give an order, it's not something he even wants to give Rude an order for. He has to approach this a way that makes him feel uncomfortably human. He's never been afraid of rejection but something in him hurts to think if Rude walked away. When he speaks again it's quiet and though he tries to be as confident as he always is, there is something in his tone that's not as hard.
"If I said there were things I don't want you to do, would you be willing to agree to them for me?""
no subject
Date: 2021-02-24 07:05 am (UTC)"Yes, but I can't agree to them if you don't tell me what you want out of this. Unless this is all you wanted. Just sex, no strings attached?" But if that was the case then it doesn't make sense why Rufus would go out of his way to get rid of the intern. Or he's overthinking everything. This could all be a misunderstanding.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-24 07:16 am (UTC)"But there would be a lot to work out between us if we did take that step, Rude." He couldn't be anyone other than Rufus Shinra. Even in bed, behind the closed door, he was who he would always be. But there were parts of him that Rude had managed to bring out when they were alone, things he never thought he would have been capable of before.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-24 02:32 pm (UTC)Eventually he goes over the response in his head enough times that he's sure what he wants to say. "What would have to change?" Besides Rufus not impulsively acting on spite or jealousy, Rude can't think of anything that would need working out. Things have been alright so far, and he's almost certain they've been able to keep things quiet. If anyone else has noticed otherwise, they haven't brought it up. "I don't want you to change for me, Rufus. That's the last thing I'd want."
no subject
Date: 2021-02-24 04:30 pm (UTC)He gives a small smile that is genuine for a fleeting moment- Rude is most likely the only person who would say that.
"I didn't think I was the type to get jealous. But I saw you with the intern and something just happened."
no subject
Date: 2021-07-12 12:00 am (UTC)"I don't care if you get jealous." That in itself isn't an issue. "I just want you to understand that there's no basis for it." Meaning, in fewer words, that he already belongs to Rufus. Not just contractually--although that is part of it. There's no one else he would do anything for. Even Reno has limitations on what his partner would allow him. Rufus doesn't have any such restrictions, but he may not even realize it.
"Something just happened?" Rude smiles, but doesn't laugh. "Oh how the mighty have fallen."
no subject
Date: 2021-07-12 12:28 am (UTC)But Rude had come in and changed the rules and made Rufus have to admit that it was something he wanted and yes, needed.
And was something Rude wanted as well. "I can't explain it. One morning I woke up earlier than you did and just that one moment I knew."